reluctant memer

suprchnk:

grey sweatpants culture is prejudiced against growers

(via writer-dwellings)

bunjywunjy:

gallusrostromegalus:

blasphemy-not:

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

threeunrelateddescriptors:

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

I have.  A new recliner chair.
It’s very comfy.
but I am worried.

Mochi.
Has decided that the best place to sleep is between my feet on the footrest.
and when I have my laptop open I tend to.
forget
that he’s there.

I am going
to dump him onto the floor.

Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow night
but Eventually
He will end up rudely dumped onto the floor, 
like so much salad.

Pictured: a cat unaware of the fate probably rapidly approaching him, despite me telling him three times now. He is too comfy to care.

Question: You dump your salads on the floor? Why?

Comorbid ADHD and carpal tunnel have lead to a disorder that I like to call “clumsy bitch syndrome” wherin if I get distracted or grab something wrong I will just… Drop whatever I’m holding? For some reason my favorite salad bowl is a regular victim. Also happens to piles of laundry, the TV remote, and sometimes knives.

I have a strict policy of never holding babies.

G U E S S   W H A T   I   D I D

Mochi is either very forgiving or very bad at cause and effect.

Two different socks, t w o d I f f e r e n t s o c k s, T W O D I F F E R E N T S O C K S

They live in my shoes most of the time, so they’re the same by the most useful metric (Thickness).

In other news, 

I tried to give mochi a headscritch while he was on the stairs.

my stairs are basically carpet-covered slabs of wood, with no “backing” so you can see through them.  They’re also directly above the stairs that go down to the basement, so there’s a bit of a drop.

mochi

rolled over for bellyrubs

and fell

through the stairs

about six feet

before rolling over mid-air and catching himself on the floor/ledge above the basement stairs, claws digging into the wood like mufasa during that one scene that fucked up everyone’s childhood.

Unlike Mufasa

Mochi is both strong and not predestined to die for narrative purposes

so he hauled his fat ginger ass up over the ledge as I got to the bottom of the stairs.

he stared at me.

I stared at him.

Mochi then bellowed his loudest and most victorious of cat bellows, and threw himself into my chair and rolled over for bellyrubs.  Which i gave him.

i am afraid

as Mochi is a ginger like my husband his father

that my son may have inherited my Clumsy Bitch Disease

the nice thing about cats is they’re mostly immune to fall damage

(via damianblack)

sharing-of-words:

dvasxmeka:

trinandtonic:

dragonkitty:

hoppers-eleven:

the-sui:

leeferal:

goldenmeme:

catsuggest:

lord-kitschener:

instructionsfordancing:

artaeum:

lord-kitschener:

Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me

the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it

not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion

This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs

wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!

My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.

Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it. 

My cats are indoor cats. Being indoor cats, they can’t go outside to hunt for food (mice, rats, birds, etc) to gift to my sister and I.

But they know that the kitchen has food. They know where the easily accessible cat food is. And obviously my sister and I are just Really Big Stupid Hairless cats.

So if my sister and I go without leaving our rooms for too long? My cats will sit outside our doors and scream for our attention, lead us to their food bowls, and then only stop the screaming and leading once they see us sit down at the table and eat something. Because they think we’re hungry.

Your cats are the sweetest beings on the Earth, it makes my heart warm knowing that they exist. They love you very much and they care so much, they want you healthy and happy and will make sure you don’t neglect yourself and oh god they are so perfect. Real pure love exists, I am happy to be alive today.

My neighbor is a hardcore drunk. Like, 9am and dude is drinking vodka, but he had a cat that’s pretty much his honest to god caregiver because I have seen this cat visibly screaming at this man to keep him from hurting himself and sometimes when he hasn’t been outside for a while, the cat will scream at my door until I go outside to knock on the door to check on him. Cats are literal angels.

I have a cat named a Kitty Pryde who has an extra thumb and these giant paws and while she’s not super bright she did learn that she likes being pet. So I must like being petted right? So if I’m watching TV alone she’ll come up and just with her giant paw gently stroke my arm or hand until I pet her back and she waits and pets me again and it goes on a while. Cats are angels.

My cat once stuffed my bath mat into the litter box

Mine wakes me up if I sleep in too long cuz she wants me to take my pills. Fiance said she was yelling at him all day yesterday. She stopped whwn I got home…and asked him if he tooks his meds. He hadn’t.

My girlie screams at me if she thinks I’m up past bedtime. Apparently this transfers to my new roommates too: Maeve led @katculator to her room, yelled until she was under the covers, then came back to the kitchen to do the same to me.

(via damianblack)

my-zoo-stories:

You’ll never understand how smart an animal is until you need to trick them into taking medicine

(via damianblack)

milkee-way:

grimeclown:

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

(via damianblack)